Kinda weird to come by tblog to visit all my blog buddies and find that a big hunk of em are on hiatus. I guess it's that time of year that people are traveling and busy with reality stuff. Me too, only I WISH I was traveling.
I did make it to the beach on Sunday with my family! What a beautiful day it was. Reminded me why this is tourist country. Also reminded me that I need to spend more time outside in my own town. I must live in one of the most gorgeous tropical enviornments in this country. Lucky me!
There was a huge sandbar right off the beach. I took the 3 brave kids on a swim adventure. We waded out to the bar and then explored for shells and sand dollars. It was big fun. What put a damper on the adventure was coming home to hear the news on the recent shark attacks up in the panhandle. Yikes! The recent kid was in waist deep water. Easy to be scared off. Yet I have lived here for 16 + years and still have all my limbs.
I guess it is a risk we take enjoying the enviornment of carnivores. Imagine if we lived during dinosaur times. It wouldn't be safe to walk to the mailbox.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be.... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it
Corruption Test - How Sleazy Are You? (Score over 200 : Seek Help)
1. Ever laughed at someone's misfortune ? (1) 2. Ever laughed at a mentally or physically handicapped person ? (2) 3. Ever tried alcohol ? (1) 4. Ever been Drunk ? (2) 5. Ever play drinking games ? (2) 6. Ever Fall down because you drank to much ? (3) 7. Ever drink enough to throw up ? (4) Bonus - Throwing up on yourself or another person (1) 8. Ever wake up and not remember what you did the night before ? (5) 9. Ever been forcibly removed from a bar ? 8 10. Ever participated in/finished a pub crawl ? (5) 11. Do you drink regularly, at least three times a week ? (3) Bonus - 1 point for each extra day (Max of 7) 12, Ever fall asleep/pass out in a bar? (4) 13. Ever try pot, hash, magic mushrooms ? (4 per drug tried) 14. Do you use drugs regularly ? (4) Bonus - more than four times a week (4) 15. Ever bought soft drugs ? (4) 16. Ever sell drugs ? 8 17. Ever sold drugs to support a drug habit ? (12) 18. Ever used barbiturates ? 8 19. Ever used hallucinogens ? 8 20. Ever used narcotics ? (10) 21. Ever been stoned or drunk for more than 48 hours ? 8 22. Ever Been on a date ? (2) 23. Ever been felt up, groped ? (2) Bonus - To orgasm (2) 24. Ever had sexual intercourse ? (6) 25. Ever had a bath or shower with a person of the opposite sex ? (5) 26. Ever paid for sex ? 8 27, Ever taken advantage of someone while they were drunk/ stoned / incapacitated ? (4) 28, Ever get someone stoned /drunk in order to obtain sexual favours, and succeed ? 8 29, Ever engage in oral sex ? (4) Bonus - To orgasm ? (2) 30, Ever engage in anal sex ? (6) Bonus - To orgasm ? (2) 31, Ever engage in the 69 position ? (4) 32, Ever contracted a STD? (12) 33, Ever had sex without a contraceptive ? (4) 34, Ever had or knowingly been responsible for an abortion ? 12 35, Ever had sex with more than one person at a time ? 9 36, Ever had sex with two or more partners in a week ? (4) 37, Ever had sex in a public place ? (6) 38, Ever had carpet burns in relation to a sexual act ? (4) 39, Ever engage in sexual activity with a member of the same sex ? (10) 40, Ever practiced bondage, masochism or sadism for sexual gratification ? 8 41, Ever used sex toys ? (6) 42, Ever pass out during sex ? (5) 43, Ever been responsible for loosing someone else's virginity ? (4) 44, Ever masturbated while talking on the telephone ? (3) 45, Ever bought something in a sex shop ? (3) 46, Ever licked or have someone lick an eyeball ? (1) toes ? (2) ears ?(1) 47, Ever had sex with a relative ? (5) 48, Ever make someone sleep in the wet spot ? (6) 49, Does necrophilla, pedophilla or beastiality turn you on ? (20) 50, Ever been arrested ? 8 Bonus - Convicted ? (7)
Add up your points now
Scoring: 0-20: A life in the church is too corrupt for you. 21-40: You barely make our scale. 41-60: approaching normal, you aren't much fun on a date. 61-100: Normal, you use your right hand like everyone else. 101-130: Above average, you've got a few tricks below the belt. 131-160: You're enjoying life to the max. 161-200: You're a danger to society. Who let you out on a day pass ? Above 200: You're going straight to hell
My to-do list seems to multiply on its own and the phone rings off the hook. The summer is whizzin by at a mind blurring pace.
I did get a little reprive last weekend when we headed to Orlando for our annual Wide World of Sports Tourney. 3 complete days of sun and fun. The only hat I was expected to wear was my favorite one. Soccer Mommy.
We had beautiful weather. First time I have seen the sun in weeks it seems. Actually got to hang at the pool, catch some rays, socialize, and throw back a few frozen beverages.
We were supposed to head to the beach today with my nieces and nephew, but mother nature thought we needed yet another day of rain.
I am sitting here, copyin a movie while I goof off...all the while my mind keeps reminding me that the web site isn't updating itself, my needed documents for Saturday aren't reproducing themselves, the QB isn't balancing itself, the phone isn't making call-backs on its own. The house still is in major need of a maid (I did get to the kitchen yesterday finally) and my afternoon job departure time is quick approaching while I sit procrastinating
Only 6 more weeks of this until I get another weekend away. Business weekend, but a weekend away just the same.
Hmmm...I guess it is all about peaches and strawberries.
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time.
Yes we have a new addition. Rescued from the church hall parking lot late last night. She (we hope its a girl) has been affectionatly names Sophie. My daughter found her during an after dark game of touch football with the boys. She is so tiny, I am not sure how she survived on her own or how she happened to be in the middle of nowhere.
As the picture shows, DK is teachiing her well. He gave up his favorite soccer hackysac. It is bigger then her head.
No clue on her age but she is eating soft food, hissing at the dog and has a curious fiesty kitten attitude. She will fit right in :)
Now that I am off for the summer (as if having 3 jobs is considered OFF) my inner clock has been tilted. I have been staying up later and later because I have more and more work. This week I have not seen the inside of my eye lids before 2 am. 4 - 5 hours sleep is doable for me. I can maintain this schedule for about a week, then I have to throw in one 6 hour night to rejuvinate the battery. Last night I had a banquet to attend after my "evening" job and my daughter found a very young stray kitten out side the hall we attended the banquet at. After a late night trip to Wally World for kitty supplies, I put in a few hours of home desk work. Last glance at the clock was 3:53am. I had no pending urgent events this morning so I had hoped to not see the dark side of 9 am for a change.
My freakin phone rings at 7:45 A M !! What kind of lamebrain calls a night working person before 8 am?? AND the purpose of this call did little to soothe my annoyance. The purpose of the call was to re-direct a task that in 2 weeks of doing this silly school district job, has NOT been on my task list. Seems the guys who run the Sports camp at the school decided to toss their garbage just outside the classroom door, instead of taking it to the dumpster. A couple happy raccoons spent the night ripping open the bags and feasting on left over pizza crust and sweet juice boxes. When I asked them about the trash on day one, I was told "don't worry about it, I will get the guys to do it" Fine by me. But now there is a mess, and of course the finger is pointed at ME!!
I sooooooooo want to quit this job. It is terribly inconvenient to get to everyday. 20 miles one way. I had to take a cut in pay from my drivers salary, which seems just WRONG. But the wage is still better then I could get at a temporary summer job. The mosquitos are taking blood donations nightly. It is hot hot hot, and when I leave I feel and smell like I have been sitting in a sauna for 4 hours fully dressed. I am so sweaty and icky that I HAVE to come home and shower before being in public to save the world from the wrath of me. So I can't even do my errands post work. I would quit in a heartbeat if we could make it thru the summer without the miniscule paycheck. But this year we just can't. Factor in I am bored senseless...and you can imagine my annoyance at the entire situation.
6 more weeks and I get a week off before I go back to my regular job. Woohoo lucky me!!
What is it that posesses a person to visit someones personal space and pick apart what they choose to share? Not only to pick it apart, but name call and belittle and make a sad attempt at trying with words to make themselves seem superior?
Is there so much hatred in them that they have to waste their precious moments in life with such ugly tactics? Could it be that someone hurt them in life so bad that they feel the need to lash out at virtual strangers for no apparent reason?? Could it be that they are so unhappy with themselves that the only pleasure they derive in their day is to be nasty to others?
I have had a mountain of hardships in my life. Yet I CHOOSE to not let it break my spirit. I CHOOSE to focus on my positives. I CHOOSE to appreciate every moment I am given, good or otherwise. I CHOOSE to be compassionate to others, even if their opinions differ from mine.
Call me whatever you want, use your nasty tactics on me whenever you want. I find peace in knowing that at least if your negativity is pointed at me, someone else is temporarily spared from your wrath.
You have been dropped into pitch darkness in some obscure location in the middle of a rainforest ... no supplies, no compass, no tools and no instructions...
Your mission should you choose to accept it (although you weren't given the opportunity NOT to accept it) is to survive and find your way to some sort of civilization you know exists somewhere but have no rational idea how to find it???
Welcome to my life!!!
Taken over a business with promise of financial files that would transfer "easily" to the new accounting software I spent a week familiarizing myself with. Yeah Right!! In my dreams. I am now lost in a pile of transactions, bank statements and fiscal reports having to enter every transaction manually for the last year JUST to get current.
Lost in a sea of rules and regulations that govern ever dotted "i" and crossed "t" that I have to deal with. Dispite the fact that I have only had access to said rules and regulations for hmmm about 4 days.
Sucked into a vat of people whose only job qualification is knowing how to "pass the buck" to someone else whose only job qualification is knowing how to "pass the buck".
It is a good thing that I follow the theory that sleep is highly over-rated!!
--All entries posted herein are shared for self rant-ification and comical value. They are in no way intended to bash, demean, insult, belittle or otherwise embarass anyone of the human, animal, vegetable or mineral persuasion. They are in no way posted to be psycho-analyzed for some deeper meaning, there is no greater lesson hidden between the font. If you are offended by anything posted here, then you are a sensitive woosie and you should surf elsewhere! Go ask your mommy for guidance and have a nice day!!--
